This article was last updated on August 09, 2025
Is your little “ninja” ever having trouble making good decisions?
No need to worry this is actually all A-OK! Preschool to early elementary-age children are sprinting from one finish line of rules and expectations to the next, all while having brains under construction. Decades of child development research tell us that when young children do something out of line, they are not being deliberately defiant. The executive functions of their brain skills like impulse control, planning, and understanding consequences continue to develop through adolescence (Harvard University – Executive Function). We’re simply human, and every decision they make, regardless of whether we perceive it as “good” or “bad,” comes from a core positive intention: the need to connect, explore, be free, or make sense of their world. Punishing negative choices often has the reverse effect (AAP – Positive Parenting Strategies); instead, we are responsible for training them on which choices create success. See how to put that all-important skill set in place, based on developmental science and positive parenting.
Knowing the Developing Mind: Why It Is Hard to Follow the Rules
The problem with children is not that they’re lazy or defiant, it’s biology.
Frontal Lobe (Executive Function):
The brain’s “CEO” is the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for tasks that involve planning, judgment, and self-regulation (Verywell Mind – Brain Development). This brainstem development is why young kids are instinctual creatures who tend to come from the heart and gut, not the head. No child leaves toys out with malicious intent or kicks off their shoes to be difficult; they simply act impulsively, immediately driven by either the screaming monkey inside begging for that toy or the inability to remember multi-step instructions.
When we recognize this pure developmental reality, our shift turns from frustration to patient guidance. Numerous studies now confirm that punitive measures only raise stress and sideline the neural pathways we need for wise decision-making, while supportive policies reinforce them (Harvard Center on the Developing Child).
The Power of Positive Framing: Getting Your Ninja Ready for Success
The key is not expecting perfection but establishing settings and relationships that lead to better choices, more often and more easily. This positive “setting up to succeed” is at the heart of positive behavior support models employed by teachers and therapists across the globe (PBIS – Positive Behavior Support).
- Watching Your Ninja at Work: A Reflector Scientist’s Guide
Don’t just watch things go wrong; look for the patterns, triggers, and underlying needs. Does toy chaos result when they’re overtired? Is tooth-brushing aversion caused by sensory issues or a wish for more fun activities? Concentrate on just 1–2 of the more manageable actions to address first. Trying to change too much at once for a child or for you sets everyone up to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Explore positive behavior support strategies from the Center for Parent Information & Resources.
- Creating Opportunities for Action (The Art of Subtle Guidance):
Instead of waiting for mistakes, engineer situations where your child can practice and shine. This is where “prompting” becomes powerful. It’s not about doing it for them or barking orders, but offering gentle, structured cues:
- Non-Verbal Cues: Pointing to the toothbrush on the counter, tapping the toy bin lightly.
- Collaborative Framing: “Hmm, the floor is covered with blocks. Where should they go to be safe until tomorrow?” or “Dinner was yummy! Can you show me how we clear our plates like helpers?”
- Limited, Positive Choices: “Should we put the red cars away first or the blue ones?” (Instead of “Clean up this mess!”) This builds autonomy within boundaries.
- Picture Routines: Snapshot charts of multi-step tasks (e.g., pajamas → brush teeth → stories → bed) provide constant reminders.
Prompts assist in making the actions to support the targeted behavior the most alluring. To browse constructive prompting, consider Vanderbilt University’s IRIS Center.
- Rewarding the Behavior (Catching Them Being Good):
Spontaneous recognition of the behavior aims to provide more targeted, focused acknowledgment of the action.
- Recognition: When delivered accurately as precise and sincere praise instantly, consistently, and prominently reinforces the behavior to the brain. The brain is wired to repeat the action. Focus on:
- Timing: Praise the action as it happens or immediately after. “You remembered to put your plate in the sink all by yourself – that was so responsible!”
- Specificity: Avoid vague “good job!” Instead, name the behavior: “Wow! You stopped playing and came when I called the first time! That shows great listening.”
- Joyful Endorsement: Praise with a high five, smile, or light gesture, matching the tone of the action.
- Spontaneous Praise: Recognition granted without any prior request is valuable when granted as described.
Read about the impact of praise from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
Small daily steps shift the narrative. Reinforcing and enjoyable support encourages repeated occurrences. Remember, parenting is a long, long game and a steady constant is more effective.
- Staying Consistent (The Gentle Path to Habit Formation):
Building neural pathways takes repetition. Be prepared to need cues many times. Progress is not linear there will be relapses, particularly under stress, sickness, or disruption of routine.
Rigidity is not reliability; reliability is going peacefully and reliably back to the prompt-and-praise routine. Repeating patiently is the answer. Repeating daily, even for small successes, strengthens the “feel-good” routine surrounding the behavior you want.
Recall, raising a child is a marathon of steady work, not a sprint for perfection. Understand the importance of consistency from Zero to Three.
Your Most Powerful Tools: Knowledge and Connection
At the heart of guiding your ninja lie two irreplaceable tools:
- Understanding Developmental Stages:
Realizing that some behaviors are normal for specific ages (e.g., tantrums in toddlers, testing in preschoolers) decreases parent frustration and allows for age-appropriate expectations and intervention. You understand the struggle isn’t personal; it is developmental (CDC – Child Development Basics). - The Skill of Prompting:
This proactive technique creating opportunities and guiding toward success empowers children far more than reactive punishment ever could. It builds skills and confidence simultaneously (Child Mind Institute – Positive Reinforcement).
The Path of Development
Teaching your child to become an independent decision-maker is one of the highest forms of parenting rewards. It demands patience, careful observation, clever guidance, and lots of encouragement.
By realizing their developing cognitive potential, guiding them on their path to success, encouraging positive behaviors, and always acknowledging their attempts, you are not only managing behavior you are building their executive function skills, self-esteem, and internal motivation for a lifetime.
It is important to celebrate the small victories. Every good decision, whether prompted or spontaneous, is a brick in the foundation of their future judgment.
Need More Help Along the Way?
Sometimes, a systematic environment with expert direction can make all the difference. Our Inspire Martial Arts programs are carefully developed based on these principles.
We offer a supportive and fun environment where kids are instructed in discipline, respect, and concentration using martial arts, receiving frequent positive reinforcement and praise for good choices and effort. We support the manners that you teach at home by offering them clear expectations, prompt positive reinforcement, and building a community that believes in their potential.
Is your ninja prepared to learn how martial arts will improve their decision-making?
- 📞 Call us at 440-877-9112 and let’s talk.
- 💥 Sign your child up for their 2 Weeks trial class and see the Inspire difference for yourself.
Together, let us help foster the natural leadership ability in your child decision by decision.